Back Like I Never Left, Meet My Son

If you haven’t noticed, Ive been on a hiatus for a lil’ bit over a month now.  I’ve missed keeping you all posted so much.  I hope that you have missed reading Fashion Not Fear as much as I’ve missed writing it.

Now, that Ive gotten that out of the way.  Let’s get to the reason why I’ve been missing in action.  Well, because I had my baby boy!!!!  He was born about one month ago.  And it has been the best time of my life!!  

Although…it started out as the scariest time of my life.

You see, I had a c-section scheduled because he was breech.  So, I felt comfort in knowing the day and approximate time that he’s supposed to be born.  Per my doctors request, I went to the hospital about 1 week before the scheduled date to take a COVID-19 test.  Then left, with a long list in my head off all of the things I had to do before he was born.  

Unfortunately, that list didn’t last long.

Two days after taking the test, I’m laying in the bed with my fiancé and my water broke.  It literally woke me out of my sleep.  “My water broke!”   I tell him.  He jumps out of bed, completely disregards the hospital bag we already packed, and starts running around the room.  While I’m standing in the hallway, leaking, he’s looking of clothes, shoes, calling my Mom…this is the first time I’ve seen him shook.  But it won’t be the last time.  

We finally make it to the hospital sans pants.  Yep, I rode all the way to the hospital wearing only a t-shirt while sitting on a towel.  So I found myself trying to put on a pair of my fiancé sweatpants quickly before the nurse that was bringing out a wheelchair made it to the car.  Not to mention that my mom, nephew, brother, and sister-in-law beat us to the hospital.  So,  they were there with their cameras out as we pulled up.  They were not allowed inside due to COVID-19 so that was the most they could be involved.    

After that, things happened so fast or so it seemed.

I was so anxious about the pain to come.  Thankfully, I didn’t feel any contractions.  The nurses told me that I was having some but I didn’t feel a thing.  A couple of hours after we arrived, my doctor came in the room, gave me an exam and said, “Okay, we are going to get you ready for a c-section.”

Heading to get a c-section

They walk me into the operating room for an epidural.  The last thing I remember before the baby arrived was holding my fiance hand asking, “Am I holding onto your hand too tight?”  The next thing I know,  I wake up with the baby laying in a bassinet beside me while my fiancé was sleeping on the couch.  Once he woke up he gave me all of the ghory details about my surgery and what he saw.  He was shook.  Yet again.  

Im not gonna lie, healing through a c-section has been hard.  Simple things like getting up from a chair and picking up the baby has been difficult because Im so independent.  But my fiancé has been amazing and very patient.  My mother has been a great help, too.

We are just so grateful that he’s here.  The pain from surgery, sleepless nights, trying to decode his crying spells, constantly wondering if he’s okay, figuring out breastfeeding…its all worth it!  None of it matters when I look at him.  I just want to love on him all day.   He really is the best thing I’ve ever made!

So, today starts my first day back from maternity leave.  Im back to creating content, sewing, building up Blue Labels Boutique and my fashion brand.  All of that while being a top notch mother to my son.  I know it won’t be easy but nothing ever is and I love a challenge.

Now, without further ado…meet my son, Aayan.

Aayan baby pic
4 Days Old!

Any tips on balancing it all?  Let me know in the comments…

Stay Fearless 💋  

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